How to Prepare Your Toddler for a New Baby
You’re excited for your new baby, and you have high hopes that your toddler will see the baby as a lovable part of the family and they’ll be best buds in no time.
However, you’ve also heard horror stories of toddlers who don’t take very well to, shall we say, no longer being the center of the universe.
Let’s talk about some crucial things to consider when it comes to preparing your toddler for the new brother or sister!
Verbally communicate with your toddler and read stories about becoming a big brother/sister
We tend to underestimate our toddlers’ ability to understand what is going on around them. They may not have what we think of as a “conversation” with us, but they sure do soak in your words (what parent hasn’t had that tidbit come back to bite later??).
Spend time chatting with your child about what will change when the new baby comes.
Allow them to feel your belly, attend the ultrasound appointments, and see you checking off the days on the calendar.
Here are a couple great story books to read to your toddler about getting a new baby brother or sister: A New Baby Is Coming, Becoming a Big Brother or Sister, Daniel Tiger - The Baby is Here, What to Expect When Mommy’s Having a Baby
Avoid too many major transitions at the same time
I always recommend a waiting period of 3 months before and after a new baby to make any big transitions with your toddler. Some of these things may not always be avoidable in life, but if it’s possible to wait, it’ll sure make things easier! These might include:
transferring them out of the crib and into a big kid bed
transferring them to a different bedroom in the house
potty training
moving to a new house
going on a long trip
new daycare/nanny
Consider reducing number of outings before baby arrives
If your toddler is used to an on-the-go lifestyle, going to the zoo, museum, playground, story time, etc. every day, you might want to start reducing this level of attention prior to the baby’s arrival. When you give birth and spend time at home resting, recovering, and getting to know your new baby, those things can come to a grinding halt for your toddler. You don’t want your toddler to associate the reduced attention with your baby, and therefore become resentful of the baby. This consideration may extend to other areas besides outings as well - perhaps things like being carried in your arms, or reading unlimited stories at night.
Allow your toddler to help
Toddlers have a natural desire to help, and research shows that it’s healthy for their development to let them help even if the “help” slows down the adult ;) There are many small ways that a toddler can help with the new baby:
fetch diapers and wipes
close the tabs on the diapers
throw the used diapers in the trash/step on the diaper pail lever
push the button on baby swing
turn on the baby’s sound machine
putting socks and blankets away in drawers
Prepare a special gift for your toddler “from the baby”
Upon bringing your new baby home to meet their big brother or sister for the first time, consider bring a special gift, prepared beforehand, from the new baby. An ideal gift would be something that your toddler would be able to keep coming back to, for interesting ways to play. This can really help warm up an unsure and shy toddler.
When to handle sleep issues in toddlers
Ideally, sleep training a toddler would occur more than 3 months before the arrival of the baby. However, if you are right in the thick of it with third trimester aches or juggling 2 under 2, there is never a “wrong” time to set some boundaries and solve your toddler’s sleep issues. It may take longer and require more persistence on your part, but it is completely doable. Just check out this testimonial from a client with 2 under 2 who came to me when her newborn was just a couple weeks old:
Finally, make sure your toddler has an easy-to-follow daily routine.
A routine that is still doable for you, your spouse/partner, your grandma, the babysitter, or whoever else will be involved in the day to day support for your family after you have the baby.
This will give your toddler a sense of security and normalcy, and ensure that they do not become over-tired, which can cause even more attention-seeking behavior after the birth of a new sibling.